Songs I Didn’t Get When I Was Younger.

I had gotten my first iPod at the age of 12, and all of these songs listed still live on my iPhone. I was finally getting my own music taste without my parents monitoring it. I was super innocent, and wasn’t quite sure what I was listening to. Take it Off by Kesha was the dirtiest song I knew back then, okay? Writing this, I realized that I’ve forgotten quite a lot of songs that I was oblivious to as a preteen. I think we all had songs we listened to and didn’t fully understand at these ages.
S&M- Rihanna
This came out in 2011, and I remember hearing this at a Beta Club party. I knew this was about sex, but like all of today’s 12 year olds in the YouTube comments, this 12 year old didn’t know what S&M stood for.
My dad bought me the album this song is on at the record store, by the way. It was the clean album, but my dad is still oblivious to the fact he bought his daughter something that has lyrics that clearly reference sex. My brain still fills in the rest of “Sticks and stones may break my bones,” with “but chains and whips excite me.”

Took the words right out of my mouth. (I mean, these are the lyrics.)

Sleazy- Kesha
Like I said, I knew it was about sex, but what I didn’t understand was the lyric “The beat’s so fat gonna, make me come (over to your place)”. I thought they were coming over to hook up, which was partially true, but she’s referencing a bodily fluid that I was unaware of as a 12 year old. The original lyric from the demo was “The beat’s so fat gonna, make me come (all over your face).” Delightful, right?
Right Round- Flo Rida feat. Kesha
Okay, so this one came out when I was 10. It played in the skating rink a lot, and when my sister turned 16 it always seemed to be playing in her car. I still workout to this song, but I now know that this is a song about a stripper. There’s a lyric that says “From the top of the pole I watch her go down”, but it went over my head as an oblivious 10 year old. Whistle came out years later, and I fully understood the meaning of it. Props to my 14 year old self. Or her Jr. High classmates.
Hotel Room Service- Pitbull
This was on a playlist under a Xat chat room I used to go into. It had a nice beat, okay? I still get it stuck in my head when I stay in a hotel. Like a lot of songs on this list, I knew it was about sex, but I didn’t know exactly what it was about. There were so many innuendos I didn’t get for years after. Memorable lyrics include “Forget about your boyfriend” and “you can bring your girlfriends”. Pitbull realizes rooms in the “Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn” aren’t very big, right?
London Bridge- Fergie
My sister would listen to this song, and I had no idea what it was about. This came out in 2006, so this was my sister’s “I was 12 and didn’t know what it’s about song.”, but by the time she drove me around in our mom’s old mini van when I was 10 or 11, it was also the same for me. It’s not the actual London Bridge that’s coming down. It’s a metaphorical falling of a London Bridge brought on by “such a lady…dancing like a hoe” and Grey Goose vodka. Yay innuendos.
Take it Off- Kesha
Like I said, this was the dirtiest song I knew for a while. I absolutely adored Kesha growing up. (I still do. I bought her new album the first day it was released.) As a 10-11 year old when this was released, I was oblivious to the lyrics for a couple more years. It’s about strippers in a dirty strip club, obviously. That’s why “they go hardcore and there’s glitter on the floor.” I thought it was just a really freaky party, but they’re legally allowed to take it off in this establishment. It’s part of their job.
3- Britney Spears
I remember finding out the meaning to this song and thinking “Ew. This is so freaky.” (Way to kinkshame, younger self.) I always knew when songs were about sex, but anything deeper than that went over my head. “3 is a charm, 2 is not the same. I don’t see the harm, so are you game?” Did I think they were playing Monopoly or something? I mean, really.
Here’s links to all of them:
Please share songs your younger self didn’t understand so I can feel better about myself.

99 Honestly Answered Questions

I used to do questionnaires all the time when I first started. I always enjoyed doing them and figured “Why stop now?”
1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed, but my room door is always open so my pets can see me.
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Yes. I use them, and they’ll just get thrown out, anyway.
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
5: Do you like to use post-it notes?
I use them to make notes in my textbooks because they’re rentals.
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I try to use them, but I usually forget.
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Well, I’m not allergic to bears…
8: Do you have freckles?
None on my face, but a few on the rest of my body. Mostly my arms and legs.
9: Do you always smile for pictures?
No. Some pictures look better without a smile, especially portraits. Or a Googled angsty quote as an Instagram caption if you’re a certain ex friend of mine. 
10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
People who talk loudly during class,  political posts on social media (from any side), “google is free sweetie :)))))))”.
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
No. I don’t even have a Fitbit/activity tracker.
12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
13: What about pooped in the woods?
No. I have to draw the line somewhere.
14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
I used to, but I’ve stopped the habit. I chew gum instead.
16: How many people have you slept with this week?
Zero. I’m okay with that.
17: What size is your bed?
It’s a twin bed.
18: What is your song of the week?
I listen to a lot of music.
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Why wouldn’t it be?
20: Do you still watch cartoons?
Not a lot, but I do watch childhood favorites when they come on.
21: Whats your least favorite movie?
I don’t like superhero movies. I think they’re boring. My friend loves them, though. She could probably recreate Captain America if I asked her to.
22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Somewhere obvious. Like a safe deposit box. It’s rarely there in movies.
23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?
32 D. Yes, it’s a real bra size. No, I haven’t found it outside of Victoria’s Secret. Bikini shopping is hard.
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Honey mustard
25: What is your favorite food?
I love pasta.
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Easy A, Mean Girls. Disney movies like: Lilo and Stitch, The Lion King, and Mulan
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
My cat licked me, if that counts.
28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
No. I did 4H for a little while, though.
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
No. I’m not that comfortable with my body. Plus, my mom wouldn’t even let me have a backless prom dress. Just imagine her reaction.
30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I wrote my sister a note and stuck it on her fridge, if that counts. Not very many letters start with “Sup, slut.”
31: Can you change the oil on a car?
My dad taught me, but I’d rather get it done by a professional.
32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
33: Ever ran out of gas?
34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
Turkey with mustard.
35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
I hate breakfast foods, but oatmeal and waffles are okay. Fruits, too.
36: What is your usual bedtime?
37: Are you lazy?
Yes, but I also never do things halfway.
38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I was the red Teletubby when I was 3 or 4.
39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
40: Are you horny?
41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Not anymore.
42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
I went to the LEGO store back in April when I was in DC and had so much fun. I made my own Lego figure.
43: Are you stubborn?
44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
I don’t watch either.
45: Ever watch soap operas?
No. I don’t really like them.
46: Are you afraid of heights?
No, but I also won’t be jumping out of a plane anytime soon.
47: Do you sing in the car?
With my sister, and only to certain songs.
48: Do you sing in the shower?
No. I don’t really like to sing.
49: Do you dance in the car?
50: Ever used a gun?
Yes. I took a gun safety course and everything.
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
My high school graduation pictures back in May.
52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some of them. There are good musicals where singing drives the plot, then there are terrible ones where songs are mostly filler.
53: Is Christmas stressful?
Yes and no. Getting presents for certain people is stressful, but the rest is pretty enjoyable.
54: Ever eat a pierogi?
No. If it doesn’t have dairy, I’ll try it.
55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
Cherry, apple, or pumpkin.
56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
I changed them so much growing up. It’s not helping me as an adult.
57: Do you believe in ghosts?
No. I still find Ouija boards creepy, though.
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
59: Take a vitamin daily?
No. I don’t like taking pills when I don’t have to. I try to eat decent foods so I don’t miss out on anything.
60: Wear slippers?
No. Either socks or bare feet. Growing up, I was taught that shoes aren’t worn in the house.
61: Wear a bath robe?
No. I either wear a towel or just get dressed.
62: What do you wear to bed?
Either a night gown/big t shirt or a tank top and underwear. No pants.
63: First concert?
I haven’t been to any concerts put on by someone famous. Unless you count orchestras.
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
I like Target, but my town is so small we only have WalMart. And a CVS.
65: Nike or Adidas?
I like both. I still have my Nike basketball shoes from 8th grade, and they don’t show any signs of falling apart.
66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
When I eat chips I either eat Taco flavored Doritos or SunChips.
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
The name is familiar, but I don’t know much about them.
69: Ever take dance lessons?
No. Do I need them? Yes.
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
As long as we both make enough money to support each other.
71: Can you curl your tongue?
72: Ever won a spelling bee?
I’ve always been super shy. I’ve never won school spelling bees, but I have in the classroom.
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
74: Own any record albums?
My dad used to collect them. I have tons of classic rock albums from the late 60s/70s as a result.
75: Own a record player?
76: Regularly burn incense?
No. I like candles better.
77: Ever been in love?
78: Who would you like to see in concert?
I’ve been wanting to see Kesha forever, but she’s on tour with Macklemore. If it were called the Adventures of Kesha By Herself, I’d see if I could get tickets.
79: What was the last concert you saw?
I don’t remember. I rarely go to concerts, and I’ve never been to one for someone famous.
80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Depends on the type of tea.
81: Tea or coffee?
I like both.
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Sugar cookies. Especially the ones we make around Christmas. (I still have leftovers in the freezer.)
83: Can you swim well?
I can swim well enough to not drown.
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes. Do people have a problem with it?
85: Are you patient?
No. I never have been.
86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
I’ve been to weddings with either one. It depends on how good they are.
87: Ever won a contest?
I won a t shirt design contest at my grade school when I was little. My mom totally did all the work, though.
88: Ever have plastic surgery?
No. I’ve considered a nose job, but every time I’ve decided that it’s not worth the money.
89: Which are better black or green olives?
I don’t like either.
90: Can you knit or crochet?
No, but I can hand sew.
91: Best room for a fireplace?
Living room.
92: Do you want to get married?
Not now.
93: If married, how long have you been married?
I’m not even in a relationship.
94: Who was your HS crush?
No one. Not much to choose from in a small town.
95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
If I said no, I’d be a liar.
96: Do you have kids?
97: Do you want kids?
No. I don’t really like being around children.
98: Whats your favorite color?
99: Do you miss anyone right now?
I miss my sister, even though we just saw each other last week. I wish we could see each other more often.

What’s in My Makeup Bag?

Disclaimer: Some of these products aren’t cheap. I like to save and get more expensive products, ask for them as Christmas presents, or get them from my sister’s subscription box if she doesn’t like them. Also, none of these pics are mine. 

My makeup bag is half the size of the one below. It was a really cool thrift store find, and I think I paid $1-$2 for it. My small town has very little knowledge of luxury brands (and their potential knockoffs). I really like it. It’s square, so you can horde tons of things in the corners, there’s a decent amount of space, and a pocket in the top.


I had no idea the tassel came with it, and I’m pretty sure I let the cat eat it. Well, crap.


For primers, I have this one by Covergirl. Mine is for combination skin because my face is oily in some places, normal in others, and then there’s this dry patch? In the summer, I’ll wear a sunscreen made for the face.


Like everyone else, I have the Urban Decay eye primer.


I like to use Tony Moly’s Panda’s Dream brightening eye stick. Because my dark circles are terrible.


Sometimes, if my face is particularly gross, I color correct. I have the NYX palette, and the green and peach colors are almost gone.


I don’t use foundation because it’s heavy and sticky, so I only use this concealer by NARS. My shade is Medium 1/Custard.


I use these tiny confetti sponges. So cute.  They come in different shapes, but I find myself using the red and purple ones the most often.


Most of my brushes are the fluffy pink ones from Wet n Wild. Every brush is under $5, and their packaging boasts a gluten free experience. (Which, I didn’t even know was an issue when it came to brushes. Maybe it’s a huge conspiracy. Who knows?)


I set it all with this NYX translucent powder.


For bronzer I use Benefit’s Hoola. My sister gave it to me because it was too dark for her skintone, and I’ll probably end up getting the full size.


For eyes, I only own neutral pallets because I’m boring. I currently have Urban Decays Naked Basics in my bag, but I’ll switch it out for Tarte’s Rainforest of the Sea vol. II.



I use an eyelash curler even though I feel like this:


The newest thing in my bag is Urban Decay’s Cannonball mascara. My sister and I went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago, and we played in the mist sprinklers in the Rainforest section, then we went back to her apartment and got in the pool. It stayed on through all of this. Ask me after final’s week if it can last through tears.



Last thing is Urban Decay’s (notice a favorite brand) All Nighter setting spray.


That’s it. I am a simple woman. My face is already white and shiny, so I don’t use highlighter, I have thick, coarse, dark hair so I don’t have to fill in my brows, and I developed the nervous habit of biting/chewing/picking at my lips (thanks, high school) so I don’t wear lipstick on a regular basis. If I do, it’s nude to save myself the embarrassment of pics with bright red spots on my teeth. So, like the Junior girls in the musical last year asked: “Do [I] even wear makeup?”



Catching Up.

I haven’t made a post with updates in forever. One where I just ramble about what’s been going on.

  • My dad surprised me with an iPhone a couple of days before graduation. It’s an SE, which is older, but it fits in my tiny hands and takes great pics. My iPod would lose charge so quickly.It was definitely my favorite gift.
  • My cousin got married. They picked the prettiest venue. The sun was in the right position to come through the big windows and surround them with light when they kissed. I wonder if they planned it.
  • I helped my sister move. She lives on the 3rd floor, and her apartment complex has no elevator. The heat index was around 105 that day. It was as bad as it sounds. I got to see her for several weekends to help pack/move/unpack, though. I really enjoyed that.
  • I went to freshman orientation the other day. Every “workshop” was terrible. That’s what I get for starting in a community college. Not as bad as high school where we had to wear matching shirts so we would have a ” sense of togetherness”.  They had a taco bar and forgot the lettuce, though. The woman who came in to talk to us about sexual harassment sucked at her job. She was trying to make examples and euphemisms instead of telling us plainly. I know it’s a sensitive subject that some people find difficult to talk about, but I would rather tell my mom everything I know about sex in complete detail than hear this lady talk again. I wish I was joking.
  • I start college on Thursday. I took enough dual credit classes in high school to get my associate’s degree in a year. I also don’t have Friday classes this semester.
  • I finally got my books and I was given the wrong biology book. I thought I didn’t get two of the books I needed but was charged for as well. No. I had them. They were under the seat of my car. My mom got them while I was at freshman orientation, so I thought they just weren’t handed to her. They’d slid out of the bag she had. The bookstore clerk is going to think I’m an idiot.
  • I haven’t been swimming or to the waterpark at all, which sucks. The closest thing I got was a conversation in a hot tub about God knows what at 2:30 AM  during my prom after party back in April. Then I went and slept on the floor. (My hair and makeup was still in tact through all of this…) I wasn’t drunk, I’d just gotten up at 5AM for a band competition, and I was out till 1AM seeing The Lion King musical at the theater. I’m a wreck without a decent amount of sleep.
  • One of my fillings came out, and now I have to go to the dentist to get it fixed. Not looking forward to drooling for an hour afterword.
  • Kesha was finally able to put out new music. I went to Target the day her album was released and got the special edition version. Every box comes with a large shirt (which is way too big for me), but I’ll find a way to wear it.  I have all of her her albums except for Deconstructed, which sells for $80 on eBay. Getting a CD was a treat because I haven’t gotten one in ages. iTunes gave a handful of the songs Lady Gaga album art. Only on my phone. I don’t know what’s going on either.
  • Most of my summer has been spent in cropped tops, no shoes, finishing the Mass Effect trilogy, and using dry shampoo like it’s part of my religion. Because cold water hurts, and I’m not taking a hot shower in 100+ degree weather.
  • I’m not sure how to end this post, but my past self (the one who made these types of posts all the time) probably would’ve ended it with a Kesha GIF or something. So have this one from 2013. She’s talking about a ghost that haunted her vagina and caused her to “go through a dry spell”. Gives you something to think about.
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In this post, I talk about how excited I was about graduating Jr. High. 4 years later, I’m talking about how relieved I am that a little over 24 hours ago, I graduated High School.


Walking across the (rickety, mildly horrifying) stage extension in low, chunky heels because God forbid I catch a stiletto in the gap between the stage and its extension. I have great legs I’d love to keep them. and getting my diploma was the happiest I’ve been in years. I wish that was a dramatic exaggeration.

The “best” 4 years of my life came with a lot of struggles. I lost a lot of friends, and sadly, I had a majority of them for years, some since grade school. (Yes, the “friend” I was speaking to at the end of this post is on that list, too. I discovered that she is incredibly petty and doesn’t want to grow up.) I said very few words to them at graduation, and I doubt I’ll say very many more in the future. I wasn’t in a good place mentally, either. I spent too many nights at my absolute worst, ugly crying on the bathroom floor at ungodly hours of the night and thinking of doing things to myself that I hope never come up as an option again. (That unintentionally sounds like the “edgy” teenage type…)

I made some really good memories. Going to dances, staying out late, sitting in a hot tub at 2:30 AM, trying not to ruin the hair and makeup your mom paid the salon to do. I did the play/musical every year, and I stayed in Band. I was also an honors graduate, keeping a 3.5 GPA every semester. I wore my medal for hours after the ceremony. I’m grateful for the memories, but I know I won’t miss anything about them.

High School was not a good time in my life, but I’m accepting of  the way it changed me. I don’t think High School should be the “best four years of your life”. It’s also nothing like the movies or TV shows try portraying it. I think it’s a time when you’re supposed to figure things out. I walked into High School a terrified 14 year old girl , and I walked out as a completely different 18 year old. (I’m glad I got to be that 14 year old for a while, though. You have to start somewhere) Am I a bit scared of the future? Absolutely, but I know that I can handle whatever tries to bring me down.

Can You Believe It?

Where Thunder Roars

Four years ago, I made a post that basically said “I can’t believe I’m 13!”. Honestly, this makes me laugh.

Being 13 seemed so grown up to me, like, look at this:

Things I can’t believe:

-That I’m a teenager.

-That I can finally see PG-13 movies without my parents.

-That I can finally do all these amazing things like sign up for Facebook and YouTube now.

And then I turned 17 and can do all of these things my 13 year old self could only daydream about doing. So here, younger self, is a list of things you probably don’t believe either:

  • You’ll be a legal adult next year.
  • You can buy M rated video games by yourself.
  • You can finally rent/watch/buy R rated movies without your parents.
  • You can also drop out of school, but you have freaking goals so you’re staying.
  • You are the Dancing Queen. (If this…

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